“Yes, I would like you to call Amtrak and reserve a seat for me. And tell them I won’t be paying until my bus gets to Elko.”
“I’m not going to do that, sir. That’s not what we do. We aren’t travel agents.”
(narrows eyes) “Oh yes you are!”
“No we’re not.”
“Oh yes you are!”
“Would you go over to Burger King and ask them to check out a book for you? No, becuase it’s not what they—”
“Maybe I will! Maybe I’ll just go over to Burger King and book my trip!”
“Well, this is a tragedy. It’s just terrible!”
“What is? Is everything all right?”
“My computer stopped with three minutes to go. I was playing free cell. It’s just…it’s just terrrible!”
“Can I help you get back on? Can I do anything to help?”
“No. It’s too late for that. It’s just tragic. You never think it’ll happen to you.”
“Yeah, so I would like to—this is weird, because I know that there aren’t really any books about sex, because this is Utah, but—”
“People do it in Utah.”
“Well…maybe, but not like they do in California.”
“How do they do it out there?”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Scribbled on an envelope that was slammed down on an employee’s desk:
I don’t want this card. Won’t keep it. It’s all cut up.
Oh yeah, PS: Fornicate this govt.!
The card was cut up inside the envelope.
Back when the time changed a patron called and asked “What time do you open now that the time has changed?” We laughed for an hour on that one.
“Can I give you a free hug? Or two? You were so nice to us.”
I pay for my hugs, thank you.
“Thanks for coming it. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.”
(turns around) “Did I give you the impression that you had been helpful?”
So confused…
“Yeah, I heard I could get some oranges up here.”
“At the library?”
“Yeah. Where are they?”
“We don’t sell oranges.”
“Too bad. I like oranges.”
But maybe we could loan them.
“Can we have a room for a crytography session?”
“Yes.”
“We’re working on something big.”(brandishes sheaf of papers)
“Okay”
“You’ve got to know about the points of the star, right?”
“No.”
“Well, imagine a star. One point is the Jews. Another is South Korea. You’ve got Christianity, Italy.”
“Tell him about the Euro.”
“You’ve got the Euro.”
“Okay, I’ll let you in.”
“You got any water we can drink?”
“There’s a drinking fountain over there.”
“Okay. We’re on the trail. We might get thirsty. It’s bad out there.”
The thirst for knowledge is unquenchable.
“You know why I don’t need to watch Dexter? Because I know about blood splatter. And you know how I know that I’ll never got caught?”
“No.”
“Because I know how to make it look like a midget did it. Do I look like a midget? That’s right.”
Why didn’t Dexter just think of that? He’s being way too careful.
